With love to Riyadh

You tried so hard.

First you arrived via the google query "russia vuck," which led you here. It appears -- ahem -- that you and The Kid were both laboring under the same misapprehension as to that word. Seeing nothing but a description of Mr. T's sink installation activities, you decided to take a more direct approach, searching the entire blog for the word "sexy."

You have got to be kidding me. No, seriously. This blog?

Now if you were more creative -- or maybe more thoroughly versed in English, I don't know -- you might have tried "mountain boobs" like the guy from Scotland last week. That would have landed you here. Not exactly what you were looking for, but hey -- at least that post had the actual word.

Still not finding what you needed, you tried one last, heroic measure: searching the "videos" tag. I'm guessing that "Bald Cypress", "Snakebird, I love you", and "Paddling the mangroves" all excited you a bit when you first read them, but sadly, I can feel your ultimate disappointment all the way across the globe.

But congratulations anyway. That was the most dogged search for p*rn I think I have ever witnessed. You persevered in the face of truly daunting odds. Some might tell you to just go rent something*, but -- well, it's Riyadh. As if there weren't enough reasons to lighten the hell up a little over there, maybe it would spare me from watching such pathetic displays unfolding in my statcounter.

So I have a better idea. Why don't you just go paddle your mangrove.